The Mysterious History of The Surf Whammys . . .

Some historians and researchers have suggested that the Surf Whammys are a musical group formed in the mid-1950s in a remote section of Lower Alabama ("L.A.") during the early years of what soon became to be known as instrumental surf music.

However, another group of historians and researchers suggests that the Surf Whammys were created in an advanced biological laboratory by Japanese scientists using cloned genetic material which was carefully collected from various rock and roll memorabilia, such as autographed albums, personal letters to fans, guitar picks, and assorted soda pop containers. And yet another group of historians and researchers are convinced that the Surf Whammys are none other than Ravi "Reverb" Ole, Rama "Ding Dong" Lama, Darnell "Cootie" Farnell, and Milford "Finger Puppet" Whittle--four musicians who together with their manager (Billy Earle "The Major" Lama, the identical twin step-brother of the band's drummer) have made the transition from traditional instrumental surf music to modern rock and roll.

Could the Surf Whammys be genetic clones of some of the great stars of rock and roll? Is it possible that the Surf Whammys were created in an advanced biological laboratory soon after the military accident in 1959 that ended the career of the original Elvis Presley and the tragic airplane crash in 1964 that ended the careers of the original Beatles all too soon?

Is "Reverb" the genetic super-clone of George Harrison, John Lennon and Elvis Presley? Is "Ding Dong" the genetic clone of Ringo Starr? Is "Cootie" the genetic clone of Paul McCartney? And is "Finger Puppet" really the identical twin step-brother of "The Major", who actually is the brother of his third cousin, twice removed, who is "Ding Dong's" uncle, as well as being "Reverb's" personal tailor and "Cootie's" spiritual advisor (since he is the only one in the group who has a telephone)?

Is this all part of an extraordinarily complex scheme devised by the aliens from outer space who currently are circling our planet in a spaceship toward the dual goals firstly of stealing our dreams, our desires, our women, and our rock and roll music and then secondly of using all that stuff to create a giant thinking machine which will be used to locate the missing mirror matter that the aliens from outer space accidentally misplaced while on a reconnaissance mission during the late 1940s in an obscure part of the desert outside of Roswell, New Mexico?

More importantly, why is mirror matter necessary for making popcorn, and what do the aliens from outer space do with popcorn that makes it so vital to their ability to travel quickly through the myriad dimensions of spacetime?

Why do the instruments and voices move around inside your mind when you listen to it through ear buds on an Apple® iPod®?

And what does any of this have to do with using orange juice cans and string to construct a low-cost intercom system?

Probably nothing, but since nobody actually has seen the Surf Whammys or the aliens from outer space, the answers to all these puzzling questions continue to be one of the great mysteries at the dawn of the early 21st century!

Soon, there might be answers, but until the answers appear, the only confirmed fact surrounding the mystery of the Surf Whammys is that they can play rock and roll music pretty good, especially when their manager brings them plenty of Moon Pie® cookies and Mexican Coca-Cola® soda pop.